Upon parking the car in the garage Mitzi guided me into our family room and had me sit on the dual recliner love seat, which was to become my base of operation for the next few weeks. Carri had followed us in her own vehicle and when she arrived Carri and Mitzi made a plan for picking up the prescriptions and other supplies we might need and Mitzi subsequently left to pick up those items. I was happy to be in my familiar surroundings. I had a small challenge trying to find an appropriate shirt to wear around the house because the incision in my neck was just painful enough that I couldn't tolerate anything rubbing against it. We solved that problem by taking an old T Shirt and cutting it straight up the middle then using a safety pin to fasten it about half way between my waist and neckline which worked out perfectly until Mitzi was able to find me a pair of pajamas at Kohl's later in the week that provided the same comfort.
Carri spent the night sleeping on the sofa in the adjacent living room; not because we didn't have a bed for her but to satisfy her concern that she wanted to be available if something "happened" and the living room was much closer to where I was located than was the spare bedroom. It was a very sweet gesture on her part. Mitzi slept in the Master bedroom and I spent that first night (as well as the next 6 or 7) on the recliner, semi-sitting. Because of the 2 drains in my neck and still tender wound I couldn't lay down but fully reclining in the chair was akin to the sleeping arrangement I had in the hospital but with far less noise. Nothing "happened" that night (or any other). Carri spent the next day working on her computer and keeping track of me so that Mitzi was able to run errands and try to get our home in order. Toward the late afternoon Carri packed up and headed back to her home in San Diego and her husband and two children after confirming we would be able to get along just fine on our own.
Mitzi left a stack of mail for me that came in while I was in the hospital. I started to sort through the pile the first morning I was home and among the golf magazines and catalogs was a large white envelope with the return address "New South Wales Government - Justice and Attorney - State Coroner's Court". I knew exactly what the envelope contained but I couldn't bring myself to open it. "Tomorrow" I found myself thinking "I'll be up to opening it tomorrow". There hadn't been a minute since Geoffrey died in October that he wasn't with me. The night stand next to my bed has a candle from his service and a lock of his hair in a red velveteen pouch is tied around the candle. His photos are all over our home interspersed with photos of all of our children and grandchildren. Far more often than when he was alive I find myself wondering what he would have thought about something or how would have reacted to a situation. My self talk includes regular unilateral dialogue with Geoff. Mostly I find myself being sad about my sense of loss and the grim reality that I will never see his incredible smile or hug him hello or goodbye or hear his voice again. But I'm also pissed off mad that all of these interactions have been taken away from me, his mother, Melissa, Joanne and the countless other family members and friends that knew him and loved him so much. My expectation was that the envelope would provide some answers but most likely even more questions. I wasn't ready for either so I didn't look at the documents.
Over the next few days I progressed from a purely liquid diet (protein drinks, ensure, fruit juice) to some soft foods like pudding and generous amounts of ice cream. My speaking gradually improved and the incision seemed to be healing up nicely but was begining to become obscured by my new full beard as I was unable to shave. I had very little pain but occasionally my swollen tongue or the neck wound would be uncomfortable. My first few days at home were spent watching various golf tournaments or other sporting events on television between frequent naps. Mitzi was able to take care of the drain in my neck without much challenge and save for a visit from a home health nurse on the first Saturday we had virtually no interaction with any other healthcare professionals as we never felt the need.
I don't remember exactly when it was but after a few days of having that big white envelope staring at me I finally tore it open and removed the contents. There was a cover letter with all the expected platitudes and invitations for questions followed by a thick stack of paper, comprised of a 16 page document entitled "POSTMORTEM EXAMINATION REPORT FOR THE CORONER" along with 4 additional pages of forensic and patholigical information.
On page 2 of the examination report under the heading of "OPINION" was the statement "Geoffrey Loe died on 6 October 2010 at St. George Hospital and that the cause of death was as follows:
1. DIRECT CAUSE: Disease or condition directly leading to death:
(a) DISSEMINATED DIFFUSE LARGE B-CELL NON-HODGKIN'S LYMPHOMA
ANTECEDENT CAUSES: Morbid conditions, if any, giving rise to the above cause, stating the underlying conditions last:
(b)
(c)
2. Other significant conditions contributing to the death but not relating to the disease or condition causing it:"
There is no misprint in the above or typographical errors. The Antecedent causes were blank in the coroner's report as was the the area for "other significant causes". I started flipping through the other pages but my concentration had been intercepted. What happened to the Glandular Fever theory? Why isn't that at least mentioned as an underlying condition or a signficant contributing condition? We had been told that the likelihood that the Lymphoma had returned was very low or that even if it had, that it was the primary cause of death was a remote possibility by Geoff's doctors (see "Meeting the Doctor" posted to this blog December 3, 2010). Why does the report reference Large B-Cell Non-Hodgkins Lymphoma when Geoff had previously been treated for Hodgkin Lymphoma? As I leafed through the rest of the documents and quickly put the report back into the envelope I found myself with feelings of disbelief and betrayal. I knew I would need an opportunity to pursue my questions about the report and the treatment he received. I also knew I didn't yet have the energy to pursue those questions right away.
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