OLF in Kingsgrove

When we arrived at Robin's and made our way into the house we found JoJo and Melissa continuing their diligent work on the program for Geoff's service.  The director from WN Bull had advised Jo and Melissa where they could find some outlines on the internet as a model for the program and Mag had shared a booklet she had kept from a service for a friend of hers who had recently passed away.  Using those guides the girls were researching music and prayers and the supply of photos to try to come up with something especially nice.  We learned that John and Vicky Pappas, Robin's dear friends, had volunteered their home in Kogarah for the reception after the service and that Robin's cousin Mathew Sullivan and his wife, Belle, were going to provide the catering.  Belle and Mathew operated a catering company and wanted to make this contribution.  These incredible acts of kindness and compassion in the spirit of support and love were overwhelming to me.  Looking around Robin's living room at the various flower arrangements and condolence cards that had been delivered made me appreciate just how supportive the people that knew and loved Geoff were.  I have to admit, though, that the flowers, although well meaning were sending me a very disturbing message.  Because they are so beautiful in the vase when they arrive and the motivation behind them is so highly symbolic of the recent death of a loved one they seemed to be a constant reminder of the hopelessness of our situation.  Then, because they are so temporary that symbolism repeats itself when they have to be discarded.  Perhaps I was overly sensitive but I made a mental note to myself to never send flowers again to a family faced with the grim reality of the death of a loved one.  I know people feel helpless and they want to do something but I would suggest it may be better to wait and see what the families wishes may be for a tribute.  On the other hand, the cards that friends and family were sending I very much appreciated.
I checked my gmail account and found that Linda, from WN Bull, wanted me to phone her to discuss the viewing arrangements.  I had previously ascertained that only Candi and I wanted to attend so I phoned Linda to discuss the options available.  She assured us that Geoff's body had been moved from the morgue to the funeral home the previous evening and that they could prepare him for a viewing on Tuesday.  She reminded us that we were to pick out clothing for Geoff to be worn for the viewing and then right through the cremation.  We further confirmed that we would be able to have that appointment at 10 o'clock in the morning that Tuesday.  Linda then reinforced with me the Sunday deadline for the obituary that was to be in the Sydney Morning Herald on Monday.  I assured her that I had been working on it and would send her a draft in the next couple of hours.  JoJo and Melissa agreed to deliver Geoff's clothing to WN Bull during the weekend.

I finished the obituary and emailed a copy to various family members for their comments as well as to Linda at WN Bull.  Soon after, I received a phone call from Luke.  He and his wife, Anita, invited all of us to his home on Sunday afternoon for lunch.  Luke then pointed out to me that I had misspelled his son's name (Luke-jon) and that I had omitted Anita from the list of Geoff's aunts in the obituary copy.  I apologized and let him know that I appreciated his comments and that was exactly the reason I had distributed the copy.   I made the corrections and forwarded the copy to Linda for her review.  After consulting with the rest of the group in Bexley North we decided it would be a good break to spend the day in the country with Luke and his family on Sunday. 

At one point during the afternoon I felt like I needed to get out of the house for some fresh air.  I walked out the front and saw Robin's car in the driveway with a huge dent in the rear hatchback and bumper.  Robin has always taken special pride in her vehicles so I wondered when this had occurred as I hadn't heard anything about it.  I went back into the house and asked Robin what had happened to her car.  Apparently Maggie had been using the car and decided to back up into the driveway which is uphill from the street level, as she neared the garage she inadvertently stepped on the gas, instead of the brake, and crashed into the garage.  "Did you see the garage?" Robin asked me after she explained what had happened.  I walked back out and saw that the single car, brick garage, which was attached to the house, had been knocked slightly of its foundation and the brick columnar support for the roof was cracked.   I can only imagine how badly Maggie felt about this and this was the last thing Robin needed on her plate with everything else going on.  "I've called the management company for the association of this block of units " she calmly stated when I returned to the house after seeing the damage to the garage, "They'll be sending someone to take a look". 

As the time neared for us to attend to our appointment at Our Lady of Fatima (OLF) in Kingsgrove Robin, Melissa, Candi, Jo and I headed over to the church in Robin's car as it was the only one that could hold us all.  As we started down the road there was a loud roar from the rear end of the vehicle.  I started to think that there must be more damage to the vehicle than what was obvious.  As if on cue, Robin explained that she had already taken the car to a mechanic and he assured her that the noise was due to some vibration underneath that could readily be fixed and she would not damage the car further if she continued to drive it until she was able to get it repaired.  I'm thinking that's all she needs at this time is to try to figure out how to get her car and garage repaired during this incredible period.  We made the mile and a half drive in a few minutes and after parking approached the office of OLF.  We were greeted at the door by a priest that from appearances was in his late 70's.  A pleasant enough man but I was immediately on guard after shaking his hand as there was something that was annoying me about him.  He invited us into the next room adjacent to the foyer and we all sat around what looked to be a communal dining table.  The room was decorated with Christmas ornaments that were either too early for this year or hadn't been taken down since last.

After a round of self-introductions Robin began to explain to Father that Geoff and Melissa had attended the Catholic Schools in the neighborhood right through year 12 and that the Stanley/Loe family were members of the parish.  She reminded him that he used to visit their (Robin's family) home in Kingsgrove when they were growing up and that he made a few stops there when her dad had died and later to visit Shirley Stanley occasionally.  As Father kept wringing his hands and repeating over and over "It must be a shock" when reflecting on Geoff's death it struck me he didn't have a clue who Geoff was, or Robin or Shirley Stanley, although he seemed to remember the neighborhood in Kingsgrove where the family home was on Armitree Street.  He asked some questions about Geoff and at one point he looked at Robin and asked "Do you think Geoff knew he was going to die?" to which Robin bravely answered "No, Father, I don't" .  He then turned to Jo and asked the same question.  JoJo's response nearly knocked me out of my chair "Yes, Father, I do think Geoff knew".  Nobody in the room seemed to react to Jo's statement but my brain nearly leaped from my skull.  Why had I not heard this before?  What had happened that Jo had this sense Geoff was going to die?  What I knew of was the last time she had seen Geoff was on the Saturday night, exactly one week ago, which was at least 3 days before he collapsed the second time.  I knew I had to speak with Jo about this but now was not the time.  My mind was continuing to race and then Father asked questions about the rest of Geoff's family, both those in Australia as well as America.  I found myself thinking he wouldn't remember one word of what we were speaking about after we were gone.  If he was truly going to perform the service I figured we would have to go over all these details with him at least one more time.  He then asked a line of questions that tore my heart out "Was Geoff ever married?  Did he have any children?"  I began to weep with the thought of Geoff never having those happy events occur in his life.  Never having the opportunity to say "I do" to the person he loved.  Never being able to cuddle his own flesh and blood and see the wonder that is the development of  your child into an adult.  Then I found myself getting very angry.  Who was this person to pretend to have feelings for our son, someone he apparently didn't know at all or at least did not remember?  I started to feel like we were an audience in a badly acted play.  I became ever more upset when he asked Candi a question but referred to her as "Cathy" but I tried to hold it inside.  He started rambling on about the service scheduled for Wednesday and used the phraseology which by now was also grating on my nerves "What would Geoffrey want?"  I found myself staring at the wall because I could not look at this man although I understood that years of service in the church and time itself had no doubt stolen his capacity for genuineness and compassion.  Then, it happened.  Someone's mobile phone was ringing.  Without excusing himself Father reached into his jacket pocket and extracted a phone.  He looked at the phone as if it was the first time he had ever seen it, managed to manipulate the keys so as to answer it and then proceeded to carry on a conversation that lasted more than a few minutes with whomever the caller.

I am not a physically violent person, never have been, but it took all the restraint I had not to rip that phone from his age spotted hands and crush it under my foot.  Instead, my flight or fight response was to get away from that table as quickly as I could.  I nearly fell trying to extricate myself from the chair and I charged out the doorway of the room I felt trapped in and hit the door leading from the foyer to the outside in full stride.  Damn it; the door was locked.  As I fumbled around trying to unlock the door so as to escape this room that seemed to have all its walls falling in on me I found the voice of reason in my brain telling me to take a few deep breaths and return to the table so as not to upset the rest of the family members in attendance.  I did and Father seemingly didn't notice that I had left or that I had returned as he was just now replacing the mobile phone into his jacket pocket.  He then indicated he would confirm our plans for Wednesday with the church secretary and get back to us.  Father shook each person's hand as they left the room.  When he took mine I could not look him in the eye.

We exited the office to the now very chilly outdoors where it was quite dark.  Robin looked at Jo and asked her to drive Candi back to the house and suggested she and I and Melissa walk the mile and a half back to Bexley North.  It seemed like a good idea.