Walking to Bexley North

I had not brought a jacket when we left for the appointment at Our Lady of Fatima as it was a relatively warm afternoon and I just didn't think much about it.  As we started our walk home it was immediately obvious that the darkness had brought much cooler temperatures.  Robin, Melissa and I started out briskly toward Bexley North.  They knew full well the route we would take; I didn't have a clue.  Although Robin and I had divorced over 15 years earlier she apparently still had good intuition about how I was feeling which no doubt manifested itself in her suggestion for walking back to the house.  Being relatively early on a Saturday evening there was a fair amount of traffic in the streets filled with locals bringing home take away food or the babysitter or headed out to a movie or returning from their shopping excursions.  The wind had started up which added to the nippiness.

As is her style, Robin said nothing and I started feeling that some sort of apology for my obvious dissatisfaction during our meeting that was just concluded at OLF was in order.  As we moved along the city streets I started to speak and I felt the frustration of the last few days well up inside of me combined with the anger and sorrow about the death of my son and the lack of knowledge as to the reason he was no longer with us.  I began a diatribe of which I have very little memory of the details but primarily my loss of emotional control.  I do remember at one point extolling the ludicrousness of what had become a pointless question in my mind "What would Geoff want?".  I think I screamed at the top of my lungs that the only thing Geoff would want was to be among us, walking down that street, sharing his stories of the day and that all these other attempts at determining what our son and brother would have wanted after he died were futile;  that what we were determining was not what Geoff would want but what we think he would want if we were him (which we certainly were not) because we couldn't ask him and there was no possible way to know if we were correct.  Because he was gone and we didn't know why and because he had left us all alone and he never said goodbye.

At least twice during the walk home Melissa stopped me from stepping in front of incoming traffic at roundabouts, not because I wanted to do anything drastic but my current level of distraction didn't account for the cars coming from the opposite direction to which I was used.  At one point she told me to follow her and not walk in front.  I'm sure the 1 1/2 miles turned into more than 3 and that Robin and Melissa herded me up and down streets that in no way led directly to Robin's place in Bexley North.  I found myself shivering from the coldness and the emotion but not always at the same time.  At one point Robin took control of the dialogue; "We will find someone else to conduct Geoff's service.  We have a friend that does volunteer work in the office and we'll ring her.  I'm sure she can help us get someone else."  These were calming words to my fractured perception and I found myself starting to breathe normally again.  Yes, we'll get someone else.  I was thinking rationally again.  We'll call the office at OLF and they will find someone else that will do a better job.  I then saw the familiar porch light of the little house in Bexley North.  Robin's dented car was in the driveway, the garage was just how we left it.  I had no idea how long we had been walking.

We wiped our feet before entering the much warmer confines and found Candi, Jo and Mag preparing dinner in the kitchen.  A gluten free, vegetarian pasta dish for Candi (that we all tried and surprised ourselves as to its tastiness) along with other noodle based dishes provided by our many supporters, a nice salad and more of the endless, tasty dishes prepared and sent over by JoJo's mother.  We broke out the wine and I know I started to feel better but certainly not normal.  We agreed that after dinner Robin would take us back to our townhouse and Mag and Melissa would come along for the ride, so that Maggie could see first hand the accommodation, since she had heard all the stories.   We compared notes about where we were with our individual assignments related to the upcoming Wednesday deadline and shared more memories about Geoff that had entered our consciousness since the previous evening.

After the dishes were cleaned we piled into the dented automobile and with the vibration noise that we now found quite funny headed off toward Darlinghurst in the rain.  It was Saturday night so we knew the traffic would be thick.  Since we had each other's company and although the ride was longer than normal it seemed quicker than the actual time.  Robin dropped us at the front of the unit and drove away to find a parking spot which were in even shorter supply.  Melissa and Maggie came inside with Candi and me and we gave them the tour of the downstairs.  In a few minutes Robin knocked and we let her inside.  We inquired as to who would be interested in attempting the adventure of making the climb up and then the descent of the dreaded staircase.  Maggie and Melissa were both up to it and I caught them each leaning on the brick wall as they went upstairs to see the bedrooms.   As they turned to navigate the downward portion Maggie chose to make the treacherous trip on the seat of her pants, one step at a time.  This gave us all another bit of comic relief.

We had a couple bottles of wine that I purchased at a bottle shop on Oxford Street and we sat around the dining table for a short while with our drinks and talking about the good and not so good things of our situation there in Darlinghurst.  On balance, the benefits far outweighed the negatives of either the location or physical challenges of Candi and my temporary "home". We recognized that it was getting late and agreed that since we were headed to Luke's home for our outing the following day (Sunday) Robin would pick us up around Noon.  Candi and I liked that idea as it would give us some time to explore some of the other neighborhoods around us.  We said goodbye to the three heading back to Bexley North and Candi and I readied ourselves for bed.  We sat at the breakfast bar for a while before turning in discussing the events of the day, what was likely going on back home in California and the reality that her 2 young children were missing her very much since she had not prepared them in any way for her absence.  We decided to head out of our townhouse at 8 a.m. the next morning for a walk and to find some breakfast in one of the sidewalk cafes in Paddington.

As I closed the door to my bedroom I could make out the distinct sounds of a party we had observed only a couple of units away when Robin had dropped us off.  Knowing that it was just past midnight I wondered how long they would keep at it.  I remembered I had a bottle of Advil PM in my luggage and decided to take one (why hadn't I thought about that the previous nights?).  I managed to doze off within 30 minutes while doing my best to remember every detail I could recall about the last time I saw my son.