As I left the little chapel I etched the memory I never wanted and the memory I never wanted to lose in my brain. How could such a vibrant, productive, handsome, loving young man leave us all to grieve for him at such an early age? How were we all expected to move on with our lives when Geoff's had been stolen away so cruelly? What powerful force of nature took the life out of my son? These questions and a thousand more dug away at my consciousness. There were so many things that had happened in order to arrive at this point that I did not understand or if I understood was not willing to accept. Walking out that door and knowing that the coffin would be sealed behind me, never to be opened again compelled me to burn that final image of my son into my recall. It wasn't Geoff any longer, I knew that, but since I understood nothing about the life force that had been my son and where it resided on this date it was all I had.
As I stepped through the doorway back into the foyer I found Luke, Melissa and Candi patiently waiting. We rang the bell to alert Linda we were ready to leave. She quickly stepped into the room with another woman who's very presence commanded attention. She introduced herself as Patsy Healy and explained that she would be directing the service the following day and responsible for all details from our transportation to the church until we had been moved to the Pappas' home for the wake after the service. She handed me her business card, which exclaimed her title as "General Manager" and welcomed me to contact her with any questions or to alert her of any difficulties, should they arise. She asked about pallbearers; Melissa and Jo had arranged that. She wanted to meet with the six young men before the service began and requested that we try to make sure that happened by pointing her out to Geoff's friends who were to act in that role. She explained the methodology for removing Geoff's coffin from the church, that they would take him in feet first and would necessarily turn the coffin around for exiting the same way he entered, feet first. Patsy needed a few minutes with the pallbearers before the service to rehearse that simple procedure, she reinforced.
Ms. Healy then inquired about the arrangements for music and assured us her folks were to be responsible for queuing the songs up at the appropriate times. We let her know that Sister Mary would be available at the church for help with the sound system. She further assured us that her staff would handle the remembrance book and hand out the booklets that Melissa and Jo had worked so hard to prepare. We then discussed some other protocol issues having to do with our arrival at the church and the preferred method for seating those in attendance. She let us know that a WN Bull car would first pick up Candi and me in Darlinghurst at Noon and proceed to Robin's to collect Robin, Melissa, Jo and Mag for the ride to Our Lady of Fatima with the goal to arrive a few minutes before the scheduled start of the service. With that she bade us goodbye displaying the confident air of a journeyman surrounded by all the novices that we were. As I walked out the doors of WN Bull I was comforted knowing that Patsy Healy, General Manager was going to be at Our Lady of Fatima the following day doing what she had so many times before and that which I had never.
Luke, Melissa, Candi and I then had lunch at the pub in the Marlborough Hotel a few steps away on King Street ordering our food at the bar and heading back to our tables with our table number attached to the metal stand that is the quintessential Aussie style . After having our fill and some light conversation Luke headed off to work and Melissa drove the three of us back to Bexley North. I sat down to Jo's laptop and started to type my eulogy that heretofore had been handwritten. I wanted to be able to have the words printed in a font that was large enough to refer to without the use of my reading glasses. At one point, Maggie saw that I was struggling with the task as I was still not comfortable with Mac technology having always been a PC user. She volunteered to put the rest of my words into the document and ultimately we were able to print a copy I felt would serve the intended purpose. Melissa and Jo left for the print shop to pick up the finished booklets. Robin and Candi headed off to the shopping center to return the shoes Candi had purchased previously but were now replaced by the bargain she scored at Vinnie's in Paddington.
Jo and Melissa returned from the printers with the 100 copies of the booklet and proudly displayed their work to Mag and me. Soon after, Robin and Candi reappeared with groceries needed for that evening's meal having successfully returned the too expensive shoes. As we were all congratulating JoJo and Melissa on their fine work Robin somewhat reluctantly pointed out an oversight she saw in the printed booklets. Although the address of the Pappas's home was prominently displayed on the back panel there was no acknowledgment as to the home's owner. Robin felt that it was important that John and Victoria Pappas' names be included since they so graciously were providing their home and we discussed a number of options for making the change, including having stickers printed that could be overlayed on the finished pages. Without doing a particularly good job of masking their disappointment, Melissa and Jo took off for the printer to see what could be accomplished to correct the booklets. Candi and Robin moved into the kitchen to prepare dinner for this evening; Mag and I opened a bottle of wine while discussing the events of the day.
Melissa and Jo soon returned from the printer and let us know that the shop manager had agreed to reprint 100 booklets with the address correction rather than go with labels or some other fix. We thought that was a good outcome on the chance we miscalculated the number we would distribute, surmising we could hand out the newest batch, first, and if we needed more than 100 we could use the inventory of those that were imperfect. This most recent print job would be ready in the morning and Melissa believed she could pick them up and deliver them to the church in plenty of time.
Shirley Stanley joined us for dinner and we told stories and enjoyed each others company until it was obvious it was time for everyone to retire for the evening knowing we had a big day ahead of us. We didn't speak at all about our trip to WN Bull earlier in the day except to confirm some of the details that Patsy Healy had reviewed with us. We felt confident we had the agenda and each of our assignments under control. Robin and Melissa once again made the round trip to Darlinghurst and deposited Candi and me at the townhouse.
Tuesday, December 7, 2010
Monday, December 6, 2010
Viewing
Luke piloted his blue sedan into the teaming streets of Newtown on that Tuesday morning just after the worst of the traffic. He told Candi and me on the way that Melissa was going to meet up with us at the funeral home. We were scheduled to arrive at 10:00 and after finding a place to park the car he used his mobile phone to check in with my youngest daughter to get an idea of her arrival time. Melissa was in the midst of parking her mother's vehicle in which she drove herself and was just up the street. We decided to wait for her inside of a pub not too far from the WN Bull facility and have a soft drink as we were still a little early for our appointment. Melissa was to meet us there in the pub.
When she arrived at the meeting place we came to the conclusion that Luke and Melissa would wait in the foyer of the WN Bull building while Candi and I spent whatever time we needed with Geoff. Neither felt the need to see his body. Melissa had been at the hospital while the staff at St. George did their best to bring him back to life and Luke had identified Geoff at the morgue. As we walked the few blocks to WN Bull in silence I found myself anxious to see my son and not at all apprehensive. I really had no sense of how it would make me feel but I knew I had to see him then and there because I would never again have the chance. When we arrived at the glass and steel double doors we filed into the foyer and rang the now familiar bell to summon the attendant. A middle aged woman appeared in a few moments and invited us into the same conference room where we had picked out all the accouterments for Geoff's services from the various catalogs. "Linda would be right with you" were her parting words as she left the room.
Linda entered the room from the opposite side and asked if we were ready to proceed. We advised her of our plan that Candi and I would spend some time with Geoff and that Luke and Melissa would stay behind. As she then lead Candi and me out of the conference room Luke rose from his chair and followed behind us. We then entered another door into what is best described as a small chapel. There were a few rows of church like pews and at the top of the room was the Tasmanian blackwood timber coffin with the satin finish we had picked out of the catalog. It was beautiful. I found myself thinking we had made the right choice. Linda guided us deftly to the foot of the coffin. Through the shroud of a lace cover I could make out the outline of my son. Linda asked if we wanted the cover removed and we motioned for her to take it away.
At first glance I thought this couldn't be my son but was some trick of the funeral industry where they had replicated Geoff's body out of wax, Madame Tussauds like. He looked too little laying there in that box. As if on cue Candi and I simultaneously blurted out "It's not him" but what we meant was the spirit and soul that was Geoffrey John Loe was nowhere in that room only the vessel that previously carried that precious life lay in the coffin. I looked at his hair, it was perfect. His eyebrows were thicker than I remembered. His clean shaven face was completely unmarked. The lines of his face seemed a little gaunt and I couldn't tell if it was a result of the preparation for the viewing or the autopsy or his recent illness but decided the reason didn't matter. The clothing that Jo and Melissa had picked out and delivered to the funeral home was exactly what Geoff would have chosen himself, if he only could, right down to his stylish jeans and shoes. I reached down and touched his hand and it was surprisingly cold. Remembering that they do not embalm in Australia I concluded that the use of refrigeration at a very low temperature was most likely the reason. Luke and Candi and I took turns hugging each other and quietly sobbing, first standing beside the coffin containing my son's body and then seated in one of the pews of the little chapel. I remember Luke leaving after a few minutes and Candi and I walking back to the side of the coffin. I think we laughed a little at how proud Geoff would have been about the way they groomed him so perfectly.
I don't remember if Candi was still in the chapel or not but at one point I started talking to my son: "Damn it, Geoff" I repeated over and over as if my son had just been caught doing something naughty. "I just can't believe it."
When she arrived at the meeting place we came to the conclusion that Luke and Melissa would wait in the foyer of the WN Bull building while Candi and I spent whatever time we needed with Geoff. Neither felt the need to see his body. Melissa had been at the hospital while the staff at St. George did their best to bring him back to life and Luke had identified Geoff at the morgue. As we walked the few blocks to WN Bull in silence I found myself anxious to see my son and not at all apprehensive. I really had no sense of how it would make me feel but I knew I had to see him then and there because I would never again have the chance. When we arrived at the glass and steel double doors we filed into the foyer and rang the now familiar bell to summon the attendant. A middle aged woman appeared in a few moments and invited us into the same conference room where we had picked out all the accouterments for Geoff's services from the various catalogs. "Linda would be right with you" were her parting words as she left the room.
Linda entered the room from the opposite side and asked if we were ready to proceed. We advised her of our plan that Candi and I would spend some time with Geoff and that Luke and Melissa would stay behind. As she then lead Candi and me out of the conference room Luke rose from his chair and followed behind us. We then entered another door into what is best described as a small chapel. There were a few rows of church like pews and at the top of the room was the Tasmanian blackwood timber coffin with the satin finish we had picked out of the catalog. It was beautiful. I found myself thinking we had made the right choice. Linda guided us deftly to the foot of the coffin. Through the shroud of a lace cover I could make out the outline of my son. Linda asked if we wanted the cover removed and we motioned for her to take it away.
At first glance I thought this couldn't be my son but was some trick of the funeral industry where they had replicated Geoff's body out of wax, Madame Tussauds like. He looked too little laying there in that box. As if on cue Candi and I simultaneously blurted out "It's not him" but what we meant was the spirit and soul that was Geoffrey John Loe was nowhere in that room only the vessel that previously carried that precious life lay in the coffin. I looked at his hair, it was perfect. His eyebrows were thicker than I remembered. His clean shaven face was completely unmarked. The lines of his face seemed a little gaunt and I couldn't tell if it was a result of the preparation for the viewing or the autopsy or his recent illness but decided the reason didn't matter. The clothing that Jo and Melissa had picked out and delivered to the funeral home was exactly what Geoff would have chosen himself, if he only could, right down to his stylish jeans and shoes. I reached down and touched his hand and it was surprisingly cold. Remembering that they do not embalm in Australia I concluded that the use of refrigeration at a very low temperature was most likely the reason. Luke and Candi and I took turns hugging each other and quietly sobbing, first standing beside the coffin containing my son's body and then seated in one of the pews of the little chapel. I remember Luke leaving after a few minutes and Candi and I walking back to the side of the coffin. I think we laughed a little at how proud Geoff would have been about the way they groomed him so perfectly.
I don't remember if Candi was still in the chapel or not but at one point I started talking to my son: "Damn it, Geoff" I repeated over and over as if my son had just been caught doing something naughty. "I just can't believe it."
Sunday, December 5, 2010
The Mind's Eye
I awoke on this Tuesday morning in Darlinghurst with my thoughts focused on the events of the next two days. Today, Candi and I would be visiting the WN Bull facility in Newtown to view Geoff's body. I won't say I was nervous about that, I wanted to do it, but I was more than a little concerned about what my reactions might be and how it would make me feel. I tried to anticipate what it would be like so as to prepare myself for any potential outcome. I was also thinking about the eulogy I wanted to deliver at Geoff's service the next day and had some concerns there, as well. I wanted to be able to represent our family and convey our love and sense of loss about Geoff to those in attendance but having never done anything like this before I was anxious about my ability to pull it off. I had blown hot and cold the last couple of days on delivering the eulogy and at one point decided I would write it but someone else would need to read it to those in attendance. Then I delivered a stern lecture to myself with the admonition to do this for my son. I was going to deliver the eulogy tomorrow, come hell or high water.
I rolled over to get a look at the display on my mobile phone. Given that it was a little past 4 o'clock in the morning I gave myself permission to get out of bed. I carefully made my way downstairs and put the kettle on and readied the press to get that first cup of coffee started. I seated myself at the dining table in the same position I had assumed the previous day while reading the obituary in the Sydney Morning Herald. I grabbed my handwritten pages of Geoff's eulogy and read and re-read the paragraphs making appropriate changes along the way. At one point I had a sense of movement on the wall opposite where I was sitting. When I first looked up I saw nothing and went back to my writing. A few moments later, out of the corner of my eye, I saw a small red cockroach peering out from under the painting that adorned the wall. My natural instinct was to roll up some nearby newspaper and swat the bug but something inside me told me to leave it alone. I went back to my editing and poured my espresso into the cup. Every couple of minutes I would glance up at the spot where I first noticed the bug and it seemed to have disappeared. Then, after perhaps 5 or 6 minutes, the bug walked out from under the painting again and stood motionless on the wall perhaps a little more than arm's length away.
I started to recall the odd conversation I had with Linda from WN Bull regarding her conversion to Buddhism and her belief in rebirth and only possessing minimal knowledge about the concept I started fantasizing that maybe, just maybe, my son's spirit had taken on the form of this little red bug. I knew I was being silly but I made a bargain with myself that if I could get the bug to crawl onto the piece of newspaper that I was previously going to use to smash it I would set the cockroach free by taking it out to the patio and releasing it. As I carefully approached the bug I was surprised that it didn't try to run away as had been my experience with every other cockroach I had ever come across but seemed to docilely climb on the piece of the newspaper I coaxed in its direction. Now my mind is racing: "What if this really is Geoff? No, it couldn't be. But then again, what if it is? How could I be so foolish as to play along with this. It's a good thing nobody is around to see me acting like this or they would surely suggest I visit the nearest psychiatrist." I was silently laughing at my own behavior but was unwilling to stop. Once I had the bug on the paper I immediately reacted by taking it out to the back patio area with the intent to release it. As I opened the back door and stepped on to the decking I bent over and positioned the paper in my hand so as to give the newspaper a little flick of my wrist to provide some momentum to the cockroach for its escape. As I looked out over the patio I noticed a little Buddha statue at the very back wall that I had never noticed before. This eerily added to my confusion about the action I was about to take. Apparently I overestimated the weight of the little creature because when I flicked the newspaper I launched the unsuspecting bug straight into the fish pond that was cut into the patio deck. In a moment of a panic I raced over to the fish pond and saw the cockroach twirling around in the water. As I tried to grab it the waves created by my fist in the water pushed it ever farther below the surface and after 3 or 4 futile attempts at retrieving it I gave up. Surely if Geoff's spirit could have assumed the form of this bug he also could figure out how to get out of the fish pond on his own and find a more suitable vessel, I surmised. I then vacillated between silent but hysterical laughter and sadness but ultimately convinced myself that I had been an actor in a play that was written in my own overtaxed, desperate mind.
I returned to my editing and when the display on my mobile phone reached that time which Candi and I had agreed was appropriate to wake her, I did. We had our now customary cup of coffee together and decided to go for a walk before breakfast and our trip to Newtown. We made breakfast when we returned and then readied ourselves for what we both believed was going to be a heartbreaking but necessary experience. We were dressed and ready a few minutes before Luke was to arrive and we sat in the living room watching a rerun of some American situation comedy. I heard the quick beeping of an automobile horn and looked out the security door to see a blue sedan double parked in front of the townhouse. I signaled to Candi and we locked the doors behind us as we climbed into Luke's vehicle to make the 20 minute trip to Newtown.
I rolled over to get a look at the display on my mobile phone. Given that it was a little past 4 o'clock in the morning I gave myself permission to get out of bed. I carefully made my way downstairs and put the kettle on and readied the press to get that first cup of coffee started. I seated myself at the dining table in the same position I had assumed the previous day while reading the obituary in the Sydney Morning Herald. I grabbed my handwritten pages of Geoff's eulogy and read and re-read the paragraphs making appropriate changes along the way. At one point I had a sense of movement on the wall opposite where I was sitting. When I first looked up I saw nothing and went back to my writing. A few moments later, out of the corner of my eye, I saw a small red cockroach peering out from under the painting that adorned the wall. My natural instinct was to roll up some nearby newspaper and swat the bug but something inside me told me to leave it alone. I went back to my editing and poured my espresso into the cup. Every couple of minutes I would glance up at the spot where I first noticed the bug and it seemed to have disappeared. Then, after perhaps 5 or 6 minutes, the bug walked out from under the painting again and stood motionless on the wall perhaps a little more than arm's length away.
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| The painting on the dining room wall |
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| The fish pond in the Zen Garden |
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| Buddha of the Patio |
Saturday, December 4, 2010
Botany Bay
The neighborhood Robin was driving through looked vaguely familiar to me. The road ran along Botany Bay and although the architecture was typical for Sydney with plenty of red tile roofs and brick buildings there were also a number of newer homes that were obviously the result of the reconstruction of houses built decades before that previously stood on the building lots. As she guided her vehicle into a parking space I reconnoitered we were in Sans Souci near the St. George Sailing Club. Many years ago there was a restaurant/pub by the name of "MacMaughlins" at exactly this spot where I knew I had been before but it was no longer evident. As we exited the vehicle and started walking north along the footpath bordering the bay I reckoned 30 years of evolution in this neighborhood may have changed the veneer but not the character. Stately Cook Pines still bordered the walkway and the innumerable sailing yachts of every size docked in the nearby slips stirred memories of warm days watching the sailors deftly guiding their vessels through the calm waters. It was chilly and overcast this Monday afternoon as we walked along first into the formidable wind and later with it at our back. Very few boats were availing themselves of the gratuitous energy provided by mother nature. A few other pedestrians were out on the walkway.
As we walked along we spoke about a number of different topics: That we would give Dr. Choi and Dr. Harvey an opportunity to back up their commitment to get to the bottom of what caused Geoff to die so suddenly; how we thought Melissa was dealing with the reality that her big and only brother was now gone. Geoff and Melissa had always been very close with Geoff acting as Melissa's protector when he thought she needed it or when Melissa wanted it. This next period of time was going to be very difficult for her we agreed. Just how unbelievable this turn of events was to us and how difficult it was to understand that our son would no longer be a part of our lives, that we would never see, touch or hear him again and just how terribly sad we were about that. At one point, as we walked along, I was visibly upset and was probably rambling on about the situation and hopelessness that I felt. Robin, next to me as we strode, directed a question: "Do you feel like God is punishing you?" Although the question caught me a little off-guard I responded with what I felt, that on some level I thought I was being punished but that the punishment certainly didn't fit whatever crime it was that I committed. I kept asking myself "Why our son? Why now?" but of course there never is an answer that can be relied upon to any question that uses the term "Why".
As the darkness started to dull the horizon we headed back to the car and then to Bexley North. When we entered the house we found Candi and Mag busily preparing dinner for the group that was assembled at Robin's that evening. Robin had purchased fresh fish earlier in the day and she helped Candi with the preparation and cooking of the Barramundi and prawns. While waiting for the meal to be readied Luke called my mobile phone to remind me of the time we needed to be at WN Bull the following morning and to let me know he would be picking Candi and me up at the townhouse in Darlinghurst and accompanying us to the viewing. Apparently only Candi and I would be viewing Geoff's body the following day. The others all preferred to remember him as they saw him last. I knew I had to see him again and I had no hesitation about it. We had made no public announcement about the viewing and had no desire to allow it for anyone outside our immediate family. Since the funeral would be in a Catholic Church the casket would be closed for the service according to the Church's rules.
It seemed everyone at the table thought the meal was excellent. After we finished our dinner Robin and Melissa made yet another round trip to Darlinghurst to drop us off for the night. Candi and I spent a few minutes together discussing the events of the day and Candi's happiness that Tanner's birthday had seemingly gone so well. I readied myself for bed, popped my allotted 1 Advil PM and headed up the stairway to try to get some badly needed sleep. I picked up the book I started the night before and began reading where I had left off but my mind was wandering. What would this experience at the funeral home be like seeing my son in his coffin? Was I going to be able to deliver the eulogy at his service now that I had committed myself to doing that? How were we all going to be able to move forward with our lives without our dear Geoffrey? I vaguely remember hearing the raindrops on the aluminum above the ceiling as I drifted off.
As we walked along we spoke about a number of different topics: That we would give Dr. Choi and Dr. Harvey an opportunity to back up their commitment to get to the bottom of what caused Geoff to die so suddenly; how we thought Melissa was dealing with the reality that her big and only brother was now gone. Geoff and Melissa had always been very close with Geoff acting as Melissa's protector when he thought she needed it or when Melissa wanted it. This next period of time was going to be very difficult for her we agreed. Just how unbelievable this turn of events was to us and how difficult it was to understand that our son would no longer be a part of our lives, that we would never see, touch or hear him again and just how terribly sad we were about that. At one point, as we walked along, I was visibly upset and was probably rambling on about the situation and hopelessness that I felt. Robin, next to me as we strode, directed a question: "Do you feel like God is punishing you?" Although the question caught me a little off-guard I responded with what I felt, that on some level I thought I was being punished but that the punishment certainly didn't fit whatever crime it was that I committed. I kept asking myself "Why our son? Why now?" but of course there never is an answer that can be relied upon to any question that uses the term "Why".
As the darkness started to dull the horizon we headed back to the car and then to Bexley North. When we entered the house we found Candi and Mag busily preparing dinner for the group that was assembled at Robin's that evening. Robin had purchased fresh fish earlier in the day and she helped Candi with the preparation and cooking of the Barramundi and prawns. While waiting for the meal to be readied Luke called my mobile phone to remind me of the time we needed to be at WN Bull the following morning and to let me know he would be picking Candi and me up at the townhouse in Darlinghurst and accompanying us to the viewing. Apparently only Candi and I would be viewing Geoff's body the following day. The others all preferred to remember him as they saw him last. I knew I had to see him again and I had no hesitation about it. We had made no public announcement about the viewing and had no desire to allow it for anyone outside our immediate family. Since the funeral would be in a Catholic Church the casket would be closed for the service according to the Church's rules.
It seemed everyone at the table thought the meal was excellent. After we finished our dinner Robin and Melissa made yet another round trip to Darlinghurst to drop us off for the night. Candi and I spent a few minutes together discussing the events of the day and Candi's happiness that Tanner's birthday had seemingly gone so well. I readied myself for bed, popped my allotted 1 Advil PM and headed up the stairway to try to get some badly needed sleep. I picked up the book I started the night before and began reading where I had left off but my mind was wandering. What would this experience at the funeral home be like seeing my son in his coffin? Was I going to be able to deliver the eulogy at his service now that I had committed myself to doing that? How were we all going to be able to move forward with our lives without our dear Geoffrey? I vaguely remember hearing the raindrops on the aluminum above the ceiling as I drifted off.
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| Botany Bay, St. George Sailing Club, St. George Hospital, Bexley North |
Friday, December 3, 2010
Meeting the Doctor
When I woke up from the inadvertent nap on Robin's sofa Melissa let me know they had dropped the program off at the printers and they would have the booklets printed and stapled by the next morning (Tuesday). She also had a printer's proof that she showed me and I thought it looked wonderful given the short amount of time they had to prepare and the obvious challenge with compiling a handout for your brother's funeral. I then walked out to the front yard and phoned Mitzi to get a report on Tanner's birthday party. She was happy to tell me they had a great time at the amusement park and that Shawn had done an incredible job arranging everything. She said that Candi's home was spotless, that Shawn had filled it with balloons, ordered a very nice cake which he personally assisted the cake maker with decorating and that in addition to the trip to Boomers they had the cake and ice cream at a Farrell's ice cream parlor. In spite of his mother being 8000 miles away Tanner had a memorable birthday with his dad, sister, grandmother, aunt, uncle and cousins. I was happy to hear the report.
I made and received phone calls and emails from a number of family members in America keeping everyone as up to date as I could with the details. Candi and I tried our best to keep Geoff's sister, Carri, who lives with her husband and 2 children in San Diego as current as possible. Carri appreciated our effort. I found that most everyone had no words that could explain their true emotion about the situation. The conversations were typically awkward exchanges when trying to communicate with my parents or siblings or daughter about what we were dealing with in Sydney. They wanted to say words that would take away my pain and show their love and support and I wanted badly to be able to express to them my appreciation for that love and support. It's said there are nearly 1 million words in the English language but among those apparently the correct ones to convey the feelings of having your son, grandson, nephew, brother stolen from your grasp have not been coined.
Sister Mary from St. Ursula's school came calling soon after Melissa returned from the printer. She spent some time with Robin and Melissa discussing the expectations for Wednesday and the mechanics of the audio system at the church. She assured us that she would be present at the service and available for any unexpected challenges that may arise. Sister Mary has the gift of making everyone around her feel a little calmer, a little more at peace and a little more confident about the journey we were all about to embark upon. For that I was most grateful.
After we walked Sister Mary to her car Robin advised me that it was time for us to head over to St. George Medical Center for our meeting with Dr. Choi. She grabbed her purse and keys from the house and we headed over to the hospital in Kogarah in her still damaged sedan with the vibration noise as loud as ever. It was late afternoon and parking, as everywhere in Sydney, was at a premium. After locating a relatively close by spot on the street, then walking to the clinic of Dr. Harvey I discussed with Robin what I thought our goal for this meeting ought to be. We were there to gather information; I didn't want to come across as accusatory or attempting to fix blame; I wanted the physician to be as open and honest about what he thought happened to Geoff as possible.
We walked up to the reception area for the clinic and identified ourselves. The receptionist apparently had been anticipating our arrival as she immediately ushered us into an office just off the lobby. Within minutes Dr. Choi entered the office and introduced himself. He appeared to be in his 30's or perhaps early 40's. His name would indicate that he was Asian as would his appearance but if you spoke with him only by telephone you would assume he was a blue eyed blond Australian based on his speech patterns and diction. I concluded he was born and raised in Australia. He first explained to us that Dr. Harvey, the staff specialist in hematology for St. George Hospital, was out of the country attending a symposium; that he had left on 2 October. Dr. Choi explained that he was a hematology fellow currently assigned to Dr. Harvey, that he could be reassigned at any time but that we should feel free to follow up with he or Dr. Harvey for any future issues, either of them would be happy to help us. Dr. Harvey had been primarily responsible for Geoff's treatment for Hodgkin Lymphoma since he was diagnosed in the last part of 2007.
Dr. Choi then took a seat and began by expressing his personal sorrow and dismay at Geoffrey's passing and that he had been in contact with Dr. Harvey by telephone and email and that Dr. Harvey was equally distressed. He then spent the next 15 minutes or so relating the details of Geoff's case from his perspective without referring to any notes, files or computers. I took notice of this because it was obvious to me that he had spent a good amount of time preparing for our visit and his presentation came across as honest and open. Perhaps my expectation was that he would be guarded in his comments so as not to accept any responsibility for events that led to Geoff's death but the reality was the opposite. He explained that when he saw Geoff on 29 October along with Dr. Harvey and reviewed the results of his blood test they didn't believe anything particularly troubling was occurring. Although they suspected, based on his symptoms, that Geoff had been struck with Glandular Fever (Infectious Mononucleosis) the blood test did not support a positive exposure to the EBV virus that would necessarily be present so they decided to repeat the test the following day. At the same time, they noticed that Geoff had a "presenting" lymph node under one side of his jaw. Swollen lymph nodes are consistent with Glandular Fever, he explained, but that they tend to be symmetrical or mirrored on opposite sides of the body and this singular enlarged lymph node was somewhat troubling as it did not match the typical Glandular Fever symptoms. Although it was somewhat premature in the normal Hodgkin Lymphoma follow up they ordered a CT scan for the following day as well. He went on to explain that there was some reluctance to have Geoff undergo the CT scan due to the extreme amount of radiation he had been exposed to over the last 3 years from previous scans and therapy. Nonetheless, they ordered the CT and Geoff showed up the following day for the 2 tests.
The follow up blood test performed on 30 October revealed a positive exposure to EBV in contrast with the test from the previous day. Dr. Choi explained this was not uncommon and was consistent with a recent infection, that the test was focused on the anti-bodies that one's system produces and that is takes some time for those anti-bodies to develop in a measurable volume. The results of the CT Scan revealed some more interesting findings: Geoff had enlarged lymph nodes throughout the scanned areas, from his groin to his sinuses. Dr. Choi explained that this was still consistent with Glandular Fever and that the size of the lymph nodes affected were not overly large and save for the one presenting node in his neck seemed to be symmetrical. In spite of Geoff's history of Hodgkin Lymphoma the decision was made that they were most likely dealing with Glandular Fever and the protocol for treatment was bed rest, fluids and over the counter medication to treat fever.
Dr. Choi continued by explaining that the responsibility for determining the the causation for Geoff's death now lay with the Coroner. He also said he and Dr. Harvey did not believe that the initial findings, the conclusion that the primary reason for Geoff's demise was Lymphoma was incorrect and that after all of the analysis and reviews were completed they were more of the belief that we would find that Geoff died from an overwhelming infection that his compromised immune system was unable to defend against. He further explained that he had an acquaintance in the coroner's office and was hoping to use that relationship to obtain information more quickly than the protracted time period we were told of 8 to 12 months for the results of the examinations. He did acknowledge that it was probable, in retrospect, the Lymphoma had returned but that it had not reached a stage where the enlarged lymph nodes, in and of themselves, were life threatening.
Because I had my own challenge with Lymphoma I had some questions that I needed to ask. I knew that one of the markers for determining the severity of lymphoma involvement is the size of the largest affected nodes I specifically asked Dr. Choi to explain what the retrospective review of the CT scan indicated. He quickly responded by stating that Geoff had no enlarged lymph nodes that measured over 2 cm, not particularly large depending upon the location of those involved nodes. I then asked Dr. Choi what he would have done differently given that he knew then what he knows now. Without hesitation he responded that he doesn't believe they would have done anything differently, that EBV infection does not react well to antibiotics and that in many cases the antibiotics exacerbate the symptoms. He restated how shocked both he and Dr. Harvey were that Geoff's illness escalated so quickly.
Before we left the office Dr. Choi took my yellow legal pad on which I had been taking notes and wrote his contact information, including his personal mobile telephone number and email address. He then told us he would communicate with us whenever there was meaningful information to report and at a minimum every 30 days until the coroner issued his report. He welcomed us to contact him at any time we had questions or a need to discuss any of the information we had previously been provided.
Robin and I exited the office in silence and walked toward her car absorbing all the information we had been provided. As she engaged the starter she looked over at me and asked if I would like to go for a walk. She suggested we go to a place where she and Geoff used to walk while he was undergoing his treatment in 2008. I welcomed the idea and she guided her vehicle into the late afternoon traffic.
I made and received phone calls and emails from a number of family members in America keeping everyone as up to date as I could with the details. Candi and I tried our best to keep Geoff's sister, Carri, who lives with her husband and 2 children in San Diego as current as possible. Carri appreciated our effort. I found that most everyone had no words that could explain their true emotion about the situation. The conversations were typically awkward exchanges when trying to communicate with my parents or siblings or daughter about what we were dealing with in Sydney. They wanted to say words that would take away my pain and show their love and support and I wanted badly to be able to express to them my appreciation for that love and support. It's said there are nearly 1 million words in the English language but among those apparently the correct ones to convey the feelings of having your son, grandson, nephew, brother stolen from your grasp have not been coined.
Sister Mary from St. Ursula's school came calling soon after Melissa returned from the printer. She spent some time with Robin and Melissa discussing the expectations for Wednesday and the mechanics of the audio system at the church. She assured us that she would be present at the service and available for any unexpected challenges that may arise. Sister Mary has the gift of making everyone around her feel a little calmer, a little more at peace and a little more confident about the journey we were all about to embark upon. For that I was most grateful.
After we walked Sister Mary to her car Robin advised me that it was time for us to head over to St. George Medical Center for our meeting with Dr. Choi. She grabbed her purse and keys from the house and we headed over to the hospital in Kogarah in her still damaged sedan with the vibration noise as loud as ever. It was late afternoon and parking, as everywhere in Sydney, was at a premium. After locating a relatively close by spot on the street, then walking to the clinic of Dr. Harvey I discussed with Robin what I thought our goal for this meeting ought to be. We were there to gather information; I didn't want to come across as accusatory or attempting to fix blame; I wanted the physician to be as open and honest about what he thought happened to Geoff as possible.
We walked up to the reception area for the clinic and identified ourselves. The receptionist apparently had been anticipating our arrival as she immediately ushered us into an office just off the lobby. Within minutes Dr. Choi entered the office and introduced himself. He appeared to be in his 30's or perhaps early 40's. His name would indicate that he was Asian as would his appearance but if you spoke with him only by telephone you would assume he was a blue eyed blond Australian based on his speech patterns and diction. I concluded he was born and raised in Australia. He first explained to us that Dr. Harvey, the staff specialist in hematology for St. George Hospital, was out of the country attending a symposium; that he had left on 2 October. Dr. Choi explained that he was a hematology fellow currently assigned to Dr. Harvey, that he could be reassigned at any time but that we should feel free to follow up with he or Dr. Harvey for any future issues, either of them would be happy to help us. Dr. Harvey had been primarily responsible for Geoff's treatment for Hodgkin Lymphoma since he was diagnosed in the last part of 2007.
Dr. Choi then took a seat and began by expressing his personal sorrow and dismay at Geoffrey's passing and that he had been in contact with Dr. Harvey by telephone and email and that Dr. Harvey was equally distressed. He then spent the next 15 minutes or so relating the details of Geoff's case from his perspective without referring to any notes, files or computers. I took notice of this because it was obvious to me that he had spent a good amount of time preparing for our visit and his presentation came across as honest and open. Perhaps my expectation was that he would be guarded in his comments so as not to accept any responsibility for events that led to Geoff's death but the reality was the opposite. He explained that when he saw Geoff on 29 October along with Dr. Harvey and reviewed the results of his blood test they didn't believe anything particularly troubling was occurring. Although they suspected, based on his symptoms, that Geoff had been struck with Glandular Fever (Infectious Mononucleosis) the blood test did not support a positive exposure to the EBV virus that would necessarily be present so they decided to repeat the test the following day. At the same time, they noticed that Geoff had a "presenting" lymph node under one side of his jaw. Swollen lymph nodes are consistent with Glandular Fever, he explained, but that they tend to be symmetrical or mirrored on opposite sides of the body and this singular enlarged lymph node was somewhat troubling as it did not match the typical Glandular Fever symptoms. Although it was somewhat premature in the normal Hodgkin Lymphoma follow up they ordered a CT scan for the following day as well. He went on to explain that there was some reluctance to have Geoff undergo the CT scan due to the extreme amount of radiation he had been exposed to over the last 3 years from previous scans and therapy. Nonetheless, they ordered the CT and Geoff showed up the following day for the 2 tests.
The follow up blood test performed on 30 October revealed a positive exposure to EBV in contrast with the test from the previous day. Dr. Choi explained this was not uncommon and was consistent with a recent infection, that the test was focused on the anti-bodies that one's system produces and that is takes some time for those anti-bodies to develop in a measurable volume. The results of the CT Scan revealed some more interesting findings: Geoff had enlarged lymph nodes throughout the scanned areas, from his groin to his sinuses. Dr. Choi explained that this was still consistent with Glandular Fever and that the size of the lymph nodes affected were not overly large and save for the one presenting node in his neck seemed to be symmetrical. In spite of Geoff's history of Hodgkin Lymphoma the decision was made that they were most likely dealing with Glandular Fever and the protocol for treatment was bed rest, fluids and over the counter medication to treat fever.
Dr. Choi continued by explaining that the responsibility for determining the the causation for Geoff's death now lay with the Coroner. He also said he and Dr. Harvey did not believe that the initial findings, the conclusion that the primary reason for Geoff's demise was Lymphoma was incorrect and that after all of the analysis and reviews were completed they were more of the belief that we would find that Geoff died from an overwhelming infection that his compromised immune system was unable to defend against. He further explained that he had an acquaintance in the coroner's office and was hoping to use that relationship to obtain information more quickly than the protracted time period we were told of 8 to 12 months for the results of the examinations. He did acknowledge that it was probable, in retrospect, the Lymphoma had returned but that it had not reached a stage where the enlarged lymph nodes, in and of themselves, were life threatening.
Because I had my own challenge with Lymphoma I had some questions that I needed to ask. I knew that one of the markers for determining the severity of lymphoma involvement is the size of the largest affected nodes I specifically asked Dr. Choi to explain what the retrospective review of the CT scan indicated. He quickly responded by stating that Geoff had no enlarged lymph nodes that measured over 2 cm, not particularly large depending upon the location of those involved nodes. I then asked Dr. Choi what he would have done differently given that he knew then what he knows now. Without hesitation he responded that he doesn't believe they would have done anything differently, that EBV infection does not react well to antibiotics and that in many cases the antibiotics exacerbate the symptoms. He restated how shocked both he and Dr. Harvey were that Geoff's illness escalated so quickly.
Before we left the office Dr. Choi took my yellow legal pad on which I had been taking notes and wrote his contact information, including his personal mobile telephone number and email address. He then told us he would communicate with us whenever there was meaningful information to report and at a minimum every 30 days until the coroner issued his report. He welcomed us to contact him at any time we had questions or a need to discuss any of the information we had previously been provided.
Robin and I exited the office in silence and walked toward her car absorbing all the information we had been provided. As she engaged the starter she looked over at me and asked if I would like to go for a walk. She suggested we go to a place where she and Geoff used to walk while he was undergoing his treatment in 2008. I welcomed the idea and she guided her vehicle into the late afternoon traffic.
Thursday, December 2, 2010
Start of a Busy Monday
As I read the obituary for at least the 7th time it dawned on me that I left out my own 6 brothers and sisters and their children completely. Geoff had 6 additional aunts, 4 uncles and 7 cousins living in Texas and New York. I guess in my effort to make sure I included all the Australian relatives I completely zoned out on my own siblings living in America. I knew they would understand but I felt terrible and embarrassed about it when I first realized that I had forgotten to include them. I then heard Candi's bedroom door open. As she sleepily, yet carefully, made her way down the stairs she cried out with obvious disappointment "They didn't call me!" We examined the new mobile phone she was clutching in her hand and discovered that the power was off. We surmised that she must have turned the phone off inadvertently when she retired the previous night as there was plenty of battery power available. While I prepared her coffee she tried calling Shawn's cell phone. We were sure the birthday celebration was already in full swing. Shawn answered the phone amidst the din of scores of patrons enjoying themselves at "Boomers". He explained they had rung Candi numerous times only to go directly into the voice mail system but didn't leave a message. Candi asked him to bring Tanner to the telephone so she could wish him a Happy Birthday. Tanner obligingly grabbed the phone and spent precious few moments indulging his mother in her wishes for his special day but was, no doubt, distracted by the go-karts that needed to be driven and the balls that needed swatting in the batting cages. She reluctantly said goodbye when it was obvious he could contain his need for participation in the various activities no longer. Candi was able to take solace in her belief that, although Tanner was badly missing her, at least he was able to enjoy himself in spite of her absence.
Candi fixed scrambled eggs for breakfast and we were dressed and ready when Robin picked us up a little after 9:00. On the ride back to Bexley North she told us that we were to meet with Father Xavier Barry in the early afternoon as he had been recommended as a suitable replacement for the priest we met with on Saturday. Father Barry was affiliated with the Kogarah Marist College where Geoff had attended during school years 11 and 12. A little while after we pulled into the driveway and joined Jo and Melissa inside the house the doorbell was rung by a repairman wanting to take a look at the garage doors. I continued to sort through the photos of Geoff with Candi that we needed for the slide show ; Melissa and Jo were working feverishly on readying the booklet for the service so as to be able to review the content with Father Barry when he arrived. The living/dining area of Robin and Mag's home took on the appearance of a very busy office with the 2 MacBooks and printer being shared by all of us. There were a number of phone calls confirming details of the next couple of days, including two from Linda of WN Bull Funerals.
I spoke with Linda and she confirmed that we would be able to have a viewing of Geoff at 10:00 a.m. the next day at their facility in Newtown for anyone that wanted to attend. For whatever reason, Linda thought it would be interesting for me to know that, although she had been raised Catholic, she had converted to Buddhism at some point in the past. What little I knew about Buddhism included the concept of "rebirth" and that rebirth could take on any number of forms. I was thinking, perhaps, she was trying to prepare me for the viewing the next day or maybe give me something to hold on to regarding Geoff's death. I mentioned what I thought was an odd conversation with the agent from WN Bull to Robin. She then told me a story about a window that was over her kitchen sink that seemed to have a mind of its own and would open or shut randomly for no apparent reason. She laughed as she told me that she and Geoff used to make a little joke when it happened, that it was "J.K." talking to them (J.K. was Robin's deceased father). She then said she guessed from now on it would be Geoff manipulating the window.
A while after the first phone call from Linda I received another. She was telling me that Geoff had a 2 or 3 day growth of his beard and wanted to know should she give him a shave. I didn't respond to her immediately and let her know I would call back after I had spoken to Robin and Jo. I wasn't sure if maybe the whiskers were there for aesthetic reasons or it was just a case of him not feeling well those last couple of days and he didn't get around to shaving. In any case, I thought it was appropriate to listen to Robin and Jo's point of view. After consulting with them I phoned Linda back to let her know that she should go ahead and give him a shave. After I hung up the phone I remembered that I had wanted to speak with Jo about her comments at the meeting with the priest on Saturday relative to her view that Geoff had a premonition about his death.
I asked Jo to step outside the front door and I put my hands on her shoulders and looked her right in her huge brown eyes. I told her I could not stop thinking about her response to the priest's question whether or not she thought Geoff knew he was going to die. I told her it was important for me to understand why she felt that way, that I would not judge her for her comment or now her explanation, I just wanted to know. She explained to me that she had been visiting Geoff that Saturday evening before he died and that when she felt like he was getting tired, was getting ready to leave and they had a little routine they would perform when parting that did not include saying "good bye" as she didn't like the term. I never inquired about the routine itself. On this particular evening, after their personal ritual she started to walk out of his room and he called her back. She said he didn't say anything but that he held her hand for a few moments and when he let go she had the sense that she may never see him again, perhaps a result of unspoken communication that only exists between lovers. Now, she said, she was sorry she didn't go back to the house in Bexley North after that evening but she thought she was doing what Geoff wanted her to do. I hugged Jo and thanked her for once again being so honest and open with me.
Father Xavier Barry arrived right on time just after lunch. He was attired as one might expect an Irish Catholic priest to be on a Monday afternoon, starched white shirt, tie and all. I assumed him to be in his early 70's but in contrast to his associate he was as sharp as a tack and very pleasant. We spent a few minutes discussing the common ground he had with Geoff and some of Geoff's teachers and classmates at Kogarah Marist College. After we set the table with our getting to know you conversation, Melissa presented Father with the outline of the program and discussed the script. We all knew how important music was to Geoff and how important it was to all of us to get it into the service in a respectful way but with which Geoff would have approved. We proposed to open the service with a song that had special importance to Joanne, "Heartbeats" by Jose Gonzales (listen here Listen to Heartbeats ) as it had special meaning to Jo in her relationship with Geoff. Father Barry agreed with Melissa and Jo on using this song to open the service. There was some give and take with the balance of the outline; Father Barry made suggestions of some alternate prayers and the timing of certain components but, for the most part, he agreed with the program that Melissa and Jo had slaved over for the past few days. However, there was one particular part of the service with which Father was disagreeing about its appropriateness, the song that the girls had selected to close the service, "Burial" by Miike Snow (listen here Listen to Burial ).
After Geoff died Melissa and Jo cued up the music on his laptop; of its own accord this song started to play. Melissa and Jo had a sense that Geoff had left it for them to find in just this way and that it was his wish that it be used. I was sitting directly across the table from Father Barry as he read the lyrics for the song that were to be printed in the booklet. Only I could see him ever so subtly shaking his head back and forth and mouthing the words "no, no, no". He slid his glasses to the end of his nose and looked over to Melissa and asked her if it was possible to find a song that was more appropriate. I could see the tears start to well up in Melissa's eyes as she was speechless. Father lost eye contact with Melissa and turned back to look across the table at me, most probably looking for my support in his evaluation, and I'm sure as he caught my gaze he had the sense of running into a charging rhinoceros ready to take on anyone and everyone in its path in order to protect his family. His eyes dropped to his hands but only for a moment. He then looked up and said "I suppose we could leave it in, but in another place." We quickly ascertained that what would make Father Barry more comfortable would be for him to give his final blessing; then we would have the song play as the participants left the church, following the pallbearers and Geoff. Once we were in agreement on that procedure Father excused himself after restating a few more of the details for Wednesday and finishing his slice of cake and cup of tea that Robin had served.
Now that Melissa and Jo had a final version of the document and spent a few more minutes making sure of the layout and the use of the appropriate font (hoping Geoff would be pleased with the selection) they rushed off to a local quick printer to have the booklets made. We were thinking that 60 copies would be enough based on the list we prepared a few days earlier but decided to have 100 printed, just in case, as the incremental cost was minimal. Robin decided to go along with them for the ride and reminded me that I would be alone in the house with the garage door repairman in the back. Since his only access to the back of the garage was through the living room (due to the damage to the garage's front door from the crash) he would no doubt be coming through when he was finished. I sat down on the sofa and started listening to the music that was already playing on the stereo as I allowed my head to tilt back and closed my eyes. The next thing I remembered was Melissa coming into the house after their trip to the printer. The repairman was long gone.
Candi fixed scrambled eggs for breakfast and we were dressed and ready when Robin picked us up a little after 9:00. On the ride back to Bexley North she told us that we were to meet with Father Xavier Barry in the early afternoon as he had been recommended as a suitable replacement for the priest we met with on Saturday. Father Barry was affiliated with the Kogarah Marist College where Geoff had attended during school years 11 and 12. A little while after we pulled into the driveway and joined Jo and Melissa inside the house the doorbell was rung by a repairman wanting to take a look at the garage doors. I continued to sort through the photos of Geoff with Candi that we needed for the slide show ; Melissa and Jo were working feverishly on readying the booklet for the service so as to be able to review the content with Father Barry when he arrived. The living/dining area of Robin and Mag's home took on the appearance of a very busy office with the 2 MacBooks and printer being shared by all of us. There were a number of phone calls confirming details of the next couple of days, including two from Linda of WN Bull Funerals.
I spoke with Linda and she confirmed that we would be able to have a viewing of Geoff at 10:00 a.m. the next day at their facility in Newtown for anyone that wanted to attend. For whatever reason, Linda thought it would be interesting for me to know that, although she had been raised Catholic, she had converted to Buddhism at some point in the past. What little I knew about Buddhism included the concept of "rebirth" and that rebirth could take on any number of forms. I was thinking, perhaps, she was trying to prepare me for the viewing the next day or maybe give me something to hold on to regarding Geoff's death. I mentioned what I thought was an odd conversation with the agent from WN Bull to Robin. She then told me a story about a window that was over her kitchen sink that seemed to have a mind of its own and would open or shut randomly for no apparent reason. She laughed as she told me that she and Geoff used to make a little joke when it happened, that it was "J.K." talking to them (J.K. was Robin's deceased father). She then said she guessed from now on it would be Geoff manipulating the window.
A while after the first phone call from Linda I received another. She was telling me that Geoff had a 2 or 3 day growth of his beard and wanted to know should she give him a shave. I didn't respond to her immediately and let her know I would call back after I had spoken to Robin and Jo. I wasn't sure if maybe the whiskers were there for aesthetic reasons or it was just a case of him not feeling well those last couple of days and he didn't get around to shaving. In any case, I thought it was appropriate to listen to Robin and Jo's point of view. After consulting with them I phoned Linda back to let her know that she should go ahead and give him a shave. After I hung up the phone I remembered that I had wanted to speak with Jo about her comments at the meeting with the priest on Saturday relative to her view that Geoff had a premonition about his death.
I asked Jo to step outside the front door and I put my hands on her shoulders and looked her right in her huge brown eyes. I told her I could not stop thinking about her response to the priest's question whether or not she thought Geoff knew he was going to die. I told her it was important for me to understand why she felt that way, that I would not judge her for her comment or now her explanation, I just wanted to know. She explained to me that she had been visiting Geoff that Saturday evening before he died and that when she felt like he was getting tired, was getting ready to leave and they had a little routine they would perform when parting that did not include saying "good bye" as she didn't like the term. I never inquired about the routine itself. On this particular evening, after their personal ritual she started to walk out of his room and he called her back. She said he didn't say anything but that he held her hand for a few moments and when he let go she had the sense that she may never see him again, perhaps a result of unspoken communication that only exists between lovers. Now, she said, she was sorry she didn't go back to the house in Bexley North after that evening but she thought she was doing what Geoff wanted her to do. I hugged Jo and thanked her for once again being so honest and open with me.
Father Xavier Barry arrived right on time just after lunch. He was attired as one might expect an Irish Catholic priest to be on a Monday afternoon, starched white shirt, tie and all. I assumed him to be in his early 70's but in contrast to his associate he was as sharp as a tack and very pleasant. We spent a few minutes discussing the common ground he had with Geoff and some of Geoff's teachers and classmates at Kogarah Marist College. After we set the table with our getting to know you conversation, Melissa presented Father with the outline of the program and discussed the script. We all knew how important music was to Geoff and how important it was to all of us to get it into the service in a respectful way but with which Geoff would have approved. We proposed to open the service with a song that had special importance to Joanne, "Heartbeats" by Jose Gonzales (listen here Listen to Heartbeats ) as it had special meaning to Jo in her relationship with Geoff. Father Barry agreed with Melissa and Jo on using this song to open the service. There was some give and take with the balance of the outline; Father Barry made suggestions of some alternate prayers and the timing of certain components but, for the most part, he agreed with the program that Melissa and Jo had slaved over for the past few days. However, there was one particular part of the service with which Father was disagreeing about its appropriateness, the song that the girls had selected to close the service, "Burial" by Miike Snow (listen here Listen to Burial ).
After Geoff died Melissa and Jo cued up the music on his laptop; of its own accord this song started to play. Melissa and Jo had a sense that Geoff had left it for them to find in just this way and that it was his wish that it be used. I was sitting directly across the table from Father Barry as he read the lyrics for the song that were to be printed in the booklet. Only I could see him ever so subtly shaking his head back and forth and mouthing the words "no, no, no". He slid his glasses to the end of his nose and looked over to Melissa and asked her if it was possible to find a song that was more appropriate. I could see the tears start to well up in Melissa's eyes as she was speechless. Father lost eye contact with Melissa and turned back to look across the table at me, most probably looking for my support in his evaluation, and I'm sure as he caught my gaze he had the sense of running into a charging rhinoceros ready to take on anyone and everyone in its path in order to protect his family. His eyes dropped to his hands but only for a moment. He then looked up and said "I suppose we could leave it in, but in another place." We quickly ascertained that what would make Father Barry more comfortable would be for him to give his final blessing; then we would have the song play as the participants left the church, following the pallbearers and Geoff. Once we were in agreement on that procedure Father excused himself after restating a few more of the details for Wednesday and finishing his slice of cake and cup of tea that Robin had served.
Now that Melissa and Jo had a final version of the document and spent a few more minutes making sure of the layout and the use of the appropriate font (hoping Geoff would be pleased with the selection) they rushed off to a local quick printer to have the booklets made. We were thinking that 60 copies would be enough based on the list we prepared a few days earlier but decided to have 100 printed, just in case, as the incremental cost was minimal. Robin decided to go along with them for the ride and reminded me that I would be alone in the house with the garage door repairman in the back. Since his only access to the back of the garage was through the living room (due to the damage to the garage's front door from the crash) he would no doubt be coming through when he was finished. I sat down on the sofa and started listening to the music that was already playing on the stereo as I allowed my head to tilt back and closed my eyes. The next thing I remembered was Melissa coming into the house after their trip to the printer. The repairman was long gone.
Wednesday, December 1, 2010
Sydney Morning Herald 11 October, 2010
Geoffrey Loe
LOE, Geoffrey John
Passed away in Kogarah,
October 6, 2010.
Aged 26
Geoffrey was creative in both his career and leisure time.
"My hands are instruments, not weapons!" he once exclaimed.
As a graphic designer with Zlata Creative in North Sydney he
made a living doing what he loved. He also enjoyed
entertaining his friends, family and paying clients as a DJ.
Much loved son of Robin Louise Loe (Stanley) of Bexley North
and Craig Loe of Cathedral City, California. Geoffrey also leaves
his beloved sisters Melissa Loe, Candace Duke (Loe) and Carri
Burns (Loe); his grandparents Shirley Stanley of Kingsgrove
and Julian and Jo Ann Loe of Wimberley, Texas; uncles Luke
Stanley and Michael Stanley; aunts Marguerite Stanley,
Jeannette Stanley and Anita Stanley; cousins Layla Stanley
and Luke-Jon Stanley; nieces Sydney Duke and Emily Burns;
nephews Tanner Duke and Davis Burns along with
numerous other extended family and many friends. He was
pre-deceased by his grandfather John Kevin Stanley. Geoffrey
also leaves his girlfriend Joanne Khatib.
Geoffrey will be dearly missed by all who
knew and naturally loved him.
Mass of Christian Burial for
GEOFFREY JOHN LOE
will be offered in
Our Lady of Fatima Church,
Shaw St., Kingsgrove
on Wednesday (October 13,
2010), commencing at 1:30 pm.
In lieu of flowers, Geoffrey's
family requests that donations be made to Lymphoma research
www.leukaemia.org.au
Private Cremation
Passed away in Kogarah,
October 6, 2010.
Aged 26
Geoffrey was creative in both his career and leisure time.
"My hands are instruments, not weapons!" he once exclaimed.
As a graphic designer with Zlata Creative in North Sydney he
made a living doing what he loved. He also enjoyed
entertaining his friends, family and paying clients as a DJ.
Much loved son of Robin Louise Loe (Stanley) of Bexley North
and Craig Loe of Cathedral City, California. Geoffrey also leaves
his beloved sisters Melissa Loe, Candace Duke (Loe) and Carri
Burns (Loe); his grandparents Shirley Stanley of Kingsgrove
and Julian and Jo Ann Loe of Wimberley, Texas; uncles Luke
Stanley and Michael Stanley; aunts Marguerite Stanley,
Jeannette Stanley and Anita Stanley; cousins Layla Stanley
and Luke-Jon Stanley; nieces Sydney Duke and Emily Burns;
nephews Tanner Duke and Davis Burns along with
numerous other extended family and many friends. He was
pre-deceased by his grandfather John Kevin Stanley. Geoffrey
also leaves his girlfriend Joanne Khatib.
Geoffrey will be dearly missed by all who
knew and naturally loved him.
Mass of Christian Burial for
GEOFFREY JOHN LOE
will be offered in
Our Lady of Fatima Church,
Shaw St., Kingsgrove
on Wednesday (October 13,
2010), commencing at 1:30 pm.
In lieu of flowers, Geoffrey's
family requests that donations be made to Lymphoma research
www.leukaemia.org.au
Private Cremation
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