Viewing

Luke piloted his blue sedan into the teaming streets of Newtown on that Tuesday morning just after the worst of the traffic.  He told Candi and me on the way that Melissa was going to meet up with us at the funeral home.  We were scheduled to arrive at 10:00 and after finding a place to park the car he used his mobile phone to check in with my youngest daughter to get an idea of her arrival time.  Melissa was in the midst of parking her mother's vehicle in which she drove herself and was just up the street.  We decided to wait for her inside of a pub not too far from the WN Bull facility and have a soft drink as we were still a little early for our appointment. Melissa was to meet us there in the pub.

When she arrived at the meeting place we came to the conclusion that Luke and Melissa would wait in the foyer of the WN Bull building while Candi and I spent whatever time we needed with Geoff.  Neither felt the need to see his body.  Melissa had been at the hospital while the staff at St. George did their best to bring him back to life and Luke had identified Geoff at the morgue.  As we walked the few blocks to WN Bull in silence I found myself anxious to see my son and not at all apprehensive.  I really had no sense of how it would make me feel but I knew I had to see him then and there because I would never again have the chance.  When we arrived at the glass and steel double doors we filed into the foyer and rang the now familiar bell to summon the attendant.  A middle aged woman appeared in a few moments and invited us into the same conference room where we had picked out all the accouterments for Geoff's services from the various catalogs.  "Linda would be right with you" were her parting words as she left the room.

Linda entered the room from the opposite side and asked if we were ready to proceed.  We advised her of our plan that Candi and I would spend some time with Geoff and that Luke and Melissa would stay behind.  As she then lead Candi and me out of the conference room Luke rose from his chair and followed behind us.  We then entered another door into what is best described as a small chapel.  There were a few rows of church like pews and at the top of the room was the Tasmanian blackwood timber coffin with the satin finish we had picked out of the catalog.  It was beautiful.  I found myself thinking we had made the right choice.  Linda guided us deftly to the foot of the coffin.  Through the shroud of a lace cover I could make out the outline of my son.  Linda asked if we wanted the cover removed and we motioned for her to take it away.

At first glance I thought this couldn't be my son but was some trick of the funeral industry where they had replicated Geoff's body out of wax, Madame Tussauds like.  He looked too little laying there in that box.  As if on cue Candi and I simultaneously blurted out "It's not him" but what we meant was the spirit and soul that was Geoffrey John Loe was nowhere in that room only the vessel that previously carried that precious life lay in the coffin.  I looked at his hair, it was perfect.  His eyebrows were thicker than I remembered.  His clean shaven face was completely unmarked.  The lines of his face seemed a little gaunt and I couldn't tell if it was a result of the preparation for the viewing or the autopsy or his recent illness but decided the reason didn't matter.  The clothing that Jo and Melissa had picked out and delivered to the funeral home was exactly what Geoff would have chosen himself, if he only could, right down to his stylish jeans and shoes.  I reached down and touched his hand and it was surprisingly cold.  Remembering that they do not embalm in Australia I concluded that the use of refrigeration at a very low temperature was most likely the reason.  Luke and Candi and I took turns hugging each other and quietly sobbing, first standing beside the coffin containing my son's body and then seated in one of the pews of the little chapel.  I remember Luke leaving after a few minutes and Candi and I walking back to the side of the coffin.  I think we laughed a little at how proud Geoff would have been about the way they groomed him so perfectly.

I don't remember if Candi was still in the chapel or not but at one point I started talking to my son:  "Damn it, Geoff" I repeated over and over as if my son had just been caught doing something naughty.  "I just can't believe it."